Now usually, I just bypass these articles because it's typically the same old stuff you hear over and over.. but for some reason, I was intrigued to read this one. I was intrigued not only because I am a woman and have all those mushy gushy feelings, but because as I witness so many relationships around me blossoming or deteriorating lately, I think knowing things like this are critical to maintain a happy and healthy relationship with the person you love.
If you're a guy, you're probably like "oh brother, another woman ranting about their feelings" and you've probably already stopped reading this. But if you're still reading, please just take 5 minutes out of your day to sincerely read this and learn a little more about women and why we are the way we are.
I promise you that this article is not some feminist ranting on and on about why men are dogs. If you're in a relationship, would like to pursue a relationship, or wonder what happened to your relationship, I can assure you the answer you are looking for is most likely in this article.
This article is written for husbands and wives, but I reworded it below to make it applicable for all relationships; single and pursuing, dating, engaged or married.
So here we go... I promise this won't hurt.
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As the authors state in the article, it is no surprise that God has wired women and men differently. We all recognize some of these differences, but others often hide in plain sight.
There are six things women wish men knew about them and I think you’ll find that understanding these issues will help you be more equipped to lead a happy and long-lasting relationship.
1. Women need reassurance that they are loved. Men often think that their love should be assumed, that they “closed the deal” when they married their wife or has been in a long-term relationship. But, to women, it’s not that simple. Most women have a fundamental insecurity about their significant others' love. They want to know that their significant other loves them – today! Men will do well to make it a top priority to reassure their women that they love them … and not just when things are going well, but especially during times of conflict.
2. Women can’t just turn off thoughts that concern them. Think of a computer
desktop, with windows open. To close the windows, one just clicks the close box and the
window disappears. When it comes to thoughts and emotions, men just click the “close”
box and move on. Women, on the other hand, may attempt to click the “close” box, but
the window won’t close. Their thoughts and concerns about bothersome past and present
issues are not easily dismissed. What’s a man to do? Telling your woman, “Just don’t think about it anymore” doesn’t work. Men should be good listeners and help their ladies
process their concerns and if possible to help them identify ways to resolve their
concerns.
3. Women value emotional security more than financial security.
Everyone knows women are concerned about the need for financial security in their
homes. What many men don’t realize is that women value emotional security more than financial security. Women crave the emotional security that their men's presence and connectedness creates. In practical terms, women want their men around them more and will likely be willing to downsize their lifestyle to make it happen.
4. Women want men to hear and validate their feelings, not just the problem at
hand. Most men know that their women don’t want them to “fix” their problems. They
want their men to listen. So, why is it that men can listen to their women talk, and still be accused of not listening? It’s because of the difference in the way men and women handle emotions. Men want to discard the clutter of emotions and focus on the problem. But, for women, how they feel about the problem is the real problem. When men listen with an ear to hear, validate and empathize with their woman's emotions about a problem, women feel that they have been heard.
5. Most women are wired to desire sex less than men. (This still applies if it is the other way around) But, not being “in the mood” doesn’t reflect a lack of desire for their man. When men think about sex, they process everything through the grid how desirable they are. So, when women aren’t “in the mood,” it feels like rejection to men; that they aren’t desirable enough. Most women on the other hand, find that their man's desirability has almost nothing to do with their own sex drive. Most women are wired with “receptive desire.” This means that while they typically enjoy sex as much as men, they just aren’t wired as heavily to initiate sex. Women need time for sexual anticipation. Further, for most women, sex is more about emotional connectedness than it is for men. Men would be wise to cultivate closeness and emotional security with their women outside of the bedroom.
and last.. but certainly not least...
6. Women need reassurance that they’re beautiful and that they rock their
man's world! God has wired women with an emotional need to know that their
man still finds them beautiful. In our culture that promotes scantily clad women in all
forms of media, women subconsciously compare themselves to these images and often
find themselves not measuring up. So, when a woman asks her man, “Do these pants
make me look fat?” she’s not really asking about the fit of the pants. She’s wondering if
her man still finds her to be the apple of his eye. Men should make an intentional
effort to regularly remind their woman that they find them beautiful!
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So Jo(W)anna know what? There you have it! You wanted to know what really goes on inside a woman? There are your answers. We as women probably know you think we are beautiful, but expressing your feelings and reminding her how you feel is desired by women. It's not always easy expressing your feelings, and we as women might not always understand that because we are always a bowl full of emotions. But by just simply telling your significant other she is beautiful, well, it can make all the difference in the world.
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